


A Play on Words

by lovemeter



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Parent Steve Rogers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, dad jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 08:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemeter/pseuds/lovemeter
Summary: In which Steve tortures his family with dad jokes.





	A Play on Words

Alex was laying on the living room floor finishing his homework. He was deep in thought trying to figure out the answer to the math problem he had been struggling on for the past ten minutes. His train of thought was broken when he heard his father ask him an important question.

“Would you rather eat a 100 bricks or a matter baby?” Steve asked. 

Alex furrowed his brows at what he said. He looked at his father with curiosity and confusion. A matter what? Steve looked back at him with a dumb smile on his face. 

“What’s a matter baby?” the boy asked. 

“Nothing sweetie, how about you?” 

Alex realized what he said and glared at his father. Why did his dad do this to him? He was a good son, he didn’t deserve this type of torture. He exhaled deeply, picked up his books and stomped up the stairs. He shut the door to his room loudly as if he was going to break it off. 

Steve sat there returning back to his book with a sigh. He wasn’t surprised by Alex’s reaction to his joke. After all, it wasn’t one of his best. Disappointed, yes, but not really surprised. 

* * *

“Does it hurt?” Jason asked his dad.

Steve was sitting in the kitchen with you tending to the fresh wound he had received from his latest mission. Every time Steve came home with a new injury his boys would hover around him asking him if he was ok. To them, his battle scars were a symbol of manliness. They thought he was the bravest man on earth for getting hurt like that which he obviously was. 

“No, not really,” Steve told him with a smile. He winced a little when you applied rubbing alcohol onto the wound with a cotton ball. “But they say that if I leave it open for too long my blood might get snoo in it.”

Jason looked at his dad confused. “What’s snoo?” 

“No don’t!” Alex said too late while trying to cover his brother’s mouth. But the damage was already done. Steve smiled at them with a devilish grin. 

“Not a lot. What’s new with you?” Steve said poking him in the stomach. 

You looked at Steve with an expressionless face while Alex groaned. You pressed the cotton ball in your hand deeper into his wound. 

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.” Steve cried. “Stop torturing the patient!” 

“You’re the one torturing us!” You yelled at him. 

* * *

Steve walked downstairs after taking a shower to the smell of something delicious coming from the kitchen. He saw you cooking something with Alex and Jay helping you by setting the table. You were walking over to cabinets to find ingredients to add to the pot. He hovered around you like a lost dog.

“What are you making?” he asked you from behind. 

“Spaghetti,” you said without looking at him. You reached over to a cabinet and took out some spices to add to the pot while stirring it. 

“Ah I see” Steve looked around to see the two boys waiting patiently for the food. They had looks of despair on their faces as if the food they were promised wasn’t coming at all. 

“I’m asking because it kinda smells like updog in here.” Steve said with a grin that could split his face in half. 

“Huh? What’s updog?” Alex asked quickly regretting it. He couldn’t believe he fell for it again. He should’ve known it was coming. He felt self-hatred fill his body. God, please don’t say it.

“I’m doing great man. What’s up with you?” Steve said. 

You dropped the wooden spoon in your hand and rubbed your face with your hand. You were about to lose it. Alex sank in his chair with a groan. Jason inhaled deeply and got off his chair. He pushed it towards the counter and climbed onto it to get his mother’s phone. After a few touches, he put the phone next to his ear. There was a short silence until they heard a muffled sound coming from the phone. 

“Hi, Uncle Bucky,” Jason said. Bucky said something and the boy nodded. “Yeah, he did it again, can you please come over and beat him up.” 

“Jason, no! Put that phone down right now!” Steve said with color draining from his face. 

**Author's Note:**

> There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other wings.


End file.
